It’s not about bashing the father, my father was absent and I know that blame and guilt don’t fix anything.
It’s not about pointing the finger at moms, god knows their life is tough enough and I am sure guidance and support would be more welcome and appreciated.
It is about breaking the cycle!
It’s about men and women, families and communities; it’s about responsibility (not blame), education, awareness and most importantly a supportive environment.
The facts surrounding the impact of father absence tell a story. While it is easy to focus on the increased rates of addiction, depression, crime, poverty, abuse and alike associated with those who have grown up in a fatherless environment these are only symptoms.
We only serve to re-enforce the effects of father absence.
And until we see them as symptoms, we only serve to re-enforce the effects of father absence in an incurable cycle. That’s right the very programs that were created and applied by governments, agencies and groups to help us only serve to re-enforce the problem.
You see the real cause, the issue we need to deal with is hidden, its hidden because it hurts, we have learnt long, long ago, generally as children or young teens that this hurts and so we berry it deep with-in us, we hide it behind faint smiles, under comments like ‘I’m O.K.’ (when you clearly are not) and a thousand other avoidance strategies (ways of coping), we hide like kids do – hoping that if we can’t see it – it won’t hurt us anymore.
Unfortunately the hurt does not stop. All we have done is hidden the cause- it is still there it’s just that we can’t see it anymore.
Fast forward 10, 20, 30 years or more and as adults all we are left with are the symptoms to show us something is wrong, terribly wrong. But as you and I both know trying to fix the symptoms doesn’t stop the pain. In-fact the guilt, blame and hopelessness so often linked to the symptoms of father absence only feed the deeply hidden problem.
In this way we are caught in an endless cycle, a cycle that is growing with each generation to the point where we now see well over one third of all children affected by issues associated with absent fathers…to put that in perspective that’s over 27 million kids in the US alone that are going to bed tonight without their father present!
Over 27 million kids in the US are part of this cycle right now!
What all the studies and statistics can’t tell you is the pain, they cannot measure what is like to have such a low self esteem that you see yourself in the quietest moments as unworthy, they have no idea what it is like to be constantly on the outer feeling deep down that you don’t belong, that you are different in some way.
None of the studies address what it’s like to see other people move past you in life while you seem anchored in some way to underachievement, sabotage and bad luck. How do they measure what is like to see other people in happy relationships, being successful, being healthy, get the lucky breaks, getting the promotions and become succeeding in life while all you seem to get are bills and bad luck.
If your life is more like a roller coaster, where every time you seem to get ahead or go up a notch or two only to find that almost immediately you find yourself in a freefall downhill run that takes you right back to where you started, where life seems to be more often a struggle rather than a source of joy and happiness, then I have made this site for you.
We are affected by our environment far more than we realize and what’s more our environment is made up of a lot more that just where we live or work.
Your friends, family, what you read, what you watch on television, what you do, how you feel about yourself and even what you eat in a large way has been determined by and adds to your environment.
It was said, I believe by Einstein, that you cannot solve today’s problems with the same thinking that created them.
Here is where the cycle is broken. We start here, now with you.
Here is were i provide you with a new perspective, a new way of thinking and everything that you need to be free of the limits ingrained by father absence.
To be honest, in helping you I am in many ways helping myself, that’s why I created this site and that’s why I am so passionate in helping you break free of the weight of father absence.
I can be done, in-fact it is far easier and quicker that most imagine. The key is in dealing with the cause and not the symptoms. It is exactly this new perspective that allowed me to break free and the same steps that I used have helped thousands and thousands who just like you felt locked to the roller coaster so often part of father absence.
Here you will discover why we are linked to our fathers and how if this link is broken, unhealthy or completely missing it affects your life.
I will be brutally honest and show you what I term the width and breathe of the problem. The statistics might not show how we feel but they still tell a horrific tale of pain and suffering that to this day I find difficult to comprehend.
While there are many good groups, websites and organizations out there, this is the only program that i am aware of which focuses on breaking the cycle of father absence and its effects, not only for women and men but also teens and kids.
I hope this helps you in understanding what this site is about, where I have come from and most importantly why you feel in many ways why you do.
Welcome to The Father Code, if you have any questions please feel free to contact me via the contact us page.
I sincerely hope you find the happiness and success that is your birthright and that the information here is as powerful to you as it has been to myself and thousands who visit the site every day.
All the best!