The Father Code

My Absent Father

Letter To A Fatherless Daughter

nd2Every Father wants to be in his daughter’s life.

What do I say to someone who feels that her heart has been literally ripped out of the cavity of her chest? What can I say to ease the deep pain of a shattered heart—a pain that reverberates through your soul—a pain that greets you every morning when you wake up? The deep hurt that was inflicted upon you was unintentional. There are two people in pain. You and your Father.

Every daughter wants and needs to hear her Father whisper, “I love you!”—three words that affirm her. . . three words that tell her she matters. Had you heard those words from him during your journey from childhood to womanhood, it would have made a positive impact upon your life.

Every Father wants to be in his daughter’s life. The decisions and mistakes that your Father made robbed him of the chance to love and care for you. He is wrestling with the decisions and mistakes he made as a young man that made it difficult—if not impossible—for him to love, nurture, and mentor you. He is wrestling with the fact that he was not there to hear you talk about your first day at school, to plan birthday parties for you and watch you blow out the candles on your birthday cakes, and to watch you blossom into the beautiful woman that have become. And yes, you are beautiful. Beauty is within, not without. Circumstances and decisions beyond your control and which you had nothing to do with, prevented him from telling you how much he loved you and affirming you.

Why is he pushing you away?

But that was the past. Let’s talk about NOW . . . TODAY. If you think your Father does not think about you … does not love you . . . does not recognize your existence, you are wrong. I understand that you cannot see or believe this. Your Father loves you and cares about you deeply. And when he thinks and speaks about you, his eyes sparkle, and a smile illuminates his face. So, why doesn’t he show it? Why does he act as if you don’t exist? Why is he pushing you away? Because he does not know how to tell you that he loves you and cares about you deeply. Your Father wants to be a part of your life. He just does know how to do that. You will have to teach him how to do that.

While you and your Father cannot change the past, the two of you can do something about the present and the future. I know that you are hurting, but you must find it within your heart to forgive him. Forgiveness is not about him, it is about YOU. Forgiveness is your path to healing . . . to fulfilling your destiny on this earth . . . and to being the vibrant, brilliant, and beautiful person that you truly are. Forgiveness is the path to helping your Father become a part of your life — something that you both desperately want and need.

There is a void in your life and in your Father’s life. He needs you just as much as you need him. If you want your Father in your life, it will be up to you to go get him and bring him into your life. Find him—send him an e-mail, call him—tell him that you forgive him . . . that you love him . . . that you need him . . . and that he needs you. If he does not answer, don’t pull away. Flood his mail box with birthday cards, Father’s Day cards, Valentine Cards, and “I Love You Dad” notes. Continue to shower him with telephone calls, voice mail messages, text messages, e-mail messages, and TWEETs that tell him:

Dad, I forgive you. I love you. I need you. I am here for you.

Written By: Diane A. Sears

Father Culture And 5 Questions You Must Know

The role of “father” and the vital link they play in shaping and developing our values, attitudes, core beliefs, self image and behaviors is undeniable. Yet what happens when this crucial aspect of our development is, for whatever reason, absent?

We are in the midst of what is arguably the most difficult period in modern human history with relation to the effects on the individual, family, community and nation of the Absent Father.

Compounding global events such as the Industrial Revolution along with the First and Second World Wars formed a cultural basis from which we have cascaded into a largely fatherless society.

Now most developed society’s worldwide approach a position where the occurrence and effects of the Absent Father is now more common than not with-in the general populations;

  • Untimely death
  • Divorce, separation or pregnancy outside of relationship
  • Incarceration
  • Substance abuse
  • Mental illness
  • Psychological and or emotional distance,

-all combine to create a void with-in the population of positive male role models.

For many the effects of being raised in an Absent Father Environment are subtle and are in most circumstances, all that the individual has ever known, hence any lasting effect particularly when expressed as an underlying current is largely lost or un-noticed.

Yet the effects of being raised in a largely Fatherless Environment have long been studied, particularly since World War II and the statistics from these studies along with those from general census indicate that the Absent Father produces a deep, and in most instances, lifetime affect on individuals, communities and even nations.

Yet, there are those who are able to move beyond the symptoms generally associated with the Absent Father….. they have broken the cycle and enjoy successful, healthy, happy and fulfilled lives…. this site and its contents are here as a resource to those who , for whatever reason, have been raised largely without a father or significant positive male role model…. This site is here to provide you the with answers to the following questions;

  1. How We Arrived in This Position
  2. What Does This Mean For You
  3. Exactly What Are The Effects Of The Absent Father Syndrome
  4. What To Expect In Your Future
  5. How Do You Break The Cycle

Welcome to www.MyAbsentFather.com.