Father Absence And It’s Role In Your Life
‘All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:’
These famous words penned by William Shakespeare are perhaps more accurate that we care to admit.
So what role do you play in your life?
Is it the role of a happy, healthy and successful individual who enjoys fulfilling relationships and lives a rewarding life of freedom and prosperity.
Or is your role more akin to that played out by over 90% of people around the world? In this role life is more a struggle than a freedom, debt replaces prosperity, fulfilling relationship are now stressful and burden takes the place of success.
Is your role a life of too much, too much numbing that is!
Either through drinking, smoking, overeating, prescription medication, television, caffeine, sugar, commuter games, shopping, work, drugs or whatever, are you in a role where you numb yourself?
‘Most of us become confused when the things we want do not appear in our lives.’
Most of us become confused when the things we want, a healthy and fit body, a fulfilling carrier, a relationship with someone who we admire, someone who supports us and brings out our best, financial security, a happy and rewarding life: things that we, without question, really want -do not appear in our lives. In-fact for most people, as I have highlighted, the reality is the total opposite.
What’s worse, is that there are no end of people, groups and products which promote positive thinking, the law of attraction and the power of the mind- they tell us in a very persuasive way that all we have to do is to ‘want it’ with all our heart, that we have keep focusing on our goal and if we do this long enough, if we really desire it, feel it, fake it till we make it, the life we dream of will manifest.
Some of the cleverer marketers even convince us that the missing piece of the puzzle is that we have to align our efforts with our desires and only then will our wants manifest.
There is only one problem, as the lives of so many of us prove, it’s all…. BULLSHIT!
‘We want and desire and focus and despite all this our lives run counter to often resulting in more stress, heartbreak, pain and struggle.’
And why do I say that?
Apart for all the millions of people around the world who find their life to be a struggle!
Because I am aware of an underlying force that operates in your life every second of every day, 365 days a year. This force which is a thousand times more powerful that any desire that you may have and will stop you experiencing your dreams as though it’s very life depended on it.
You see the only people who benefit and experience a life change from ‘positive thought’, ‘power of the mind’, ‘law of attraction’ stuff are the marketers and sellers of these books, seminars, courses and coaching programs that tell you that all you have to do is ‘want’.
‘As an example the book and movie The Secret, after only a few years (by 2009) had grossed over $300,000,000.00.’
But with over 19 million copies of the book sold and the movie viewed by even more, where is the spike in income levels and people living their dreams, where are the extra millionaires in the world, sure there are a few success stories the book and movie can lay claim to but pure chance alone can account for this- even if it worked for only 10% of people who bought the book we should see a community of 1.9 million millionaires and with all to promotion and hype surely we would have heard about this- let alone the 80 or 90% you’d expect if it’s all that simple, the 17 million extra new millionaires- where are they.
And don’t get me wrong here, I bought the book and enjoyed it- and I think it did a great deal of good, it’s just not the answer for most people.
Have you ever seen a movie projector? You know the one with the reels of film front and back, the lens that you use to focus the image and the bright light that illuminates the image.
Now with that image,
I would like you think of yourself as the projector.
Your eyes are the lens.
Your conscious mind or what you are aware of is the light.
And here is the biggie; the movie, the role that you play in life, is your schema or sub-conscious beliefs and structures.
As babies and young children we grow rapidly, our bodies change and develop at a speed we do not see again in our lifetime.
But we do are not only growing physically. In this period of intense growth and development our personality, identity and our internal psychological structures, the structures that support us through our adult lives, are also developing at break neck speed.
So here you are, at an age of generally somewhere between 0 and 6 and you don’t understand the world around you, you have not developed the filter to tell truth for lie, fact from fiction (term for direct access to the sub-conscious programming) and you are forming decisions about who you are, about what the world you are in is about and your place in this world…….THE PLOT AND STORYLINE FOR YOUR STARING ROLE IN THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE!
‘So the movie that you play throughout your life to a large extent was created in your formative years- basically when you were a child.’
So now it doesn’t matter how much you want something as an adolescent or adult- if it doesn’t match the movie that you created – it won’t happen.
You see up until the around the age of 6, that inability to tell fact from fiction, the world where we believe in The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny, Santa Clause and Bogymen, means that everything goes directly into our subconscious. We have not yet developed a filter, a filter that tells harmful information from helpful information, nurturing beliefs from sabotaging beliefs- it all just goes in.
So in the case of father absence the movies we make and the roles that we define for ourselves are not likely to be where the hero wins the day- gets the girl and sails of into the sunset to live happily ever after- no matter how much we want it!
You see, as young children, while we may not understand the world we are in we still feel very real pain and pleasure, in-fact quite intensely. So or view of the world and the decisions we make are based on this feedback.
When we are hurt, form our young perspective, either intensely or on a regular basis we develop defense mechanisms.
‘So when someone, like our father, who we are biologically conditioned to look to for security, protection, food, shelter, order, power, esteem and alike- is not there either physically or emotionally, for whatever reason, we must make decisions about what this means, how we feel, and why.’
So rather the movies we star in are more likely see us as having an issue with;
I Basic Safety
- Mistrust & Abuse
II Connection to Others
- Emotional Deprivation
- Social Exclusion
V Self Expression
- Unrelenting Standards
VI Realistic Limits
Can you see in this example, how ‘want’ or our ‘conscious mind’, our ‘awareness’ has as little effect on changing the movie of our lives, just as changing the bulb in a projector won’t change what movie is playing.
And unfortunately most people spend their lives trapped in a role that was created for them as a child, it does not serve them as adults and is often self destructive.
This understanding always reminds me of Thoreau’s quote that ‘most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still within them’.
The pain and hopelessness of women and men trapped in roles from which there is no escape. The soul deflating realization that after you’ve exhausted you last breathe of resistance the trap of your life movie is still indestructible.
If your life, the role you play in your movie, is a drama, or a documentary of struggle, wanting something different won’t change a thing- you have to change the movie- and not the light bulb as some many people promote.
Your sub-conscious schema, the plot and role that, as a infant or young child, you decided for your life movie is the driving force of your life and it operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. It even attracts people and situations that will support the schema, the role that you have created.
It is a lifelong pattern, is self destructive and as it was essentially set up as a defense; it will continue to operate as though your very life depended on it. And the more you try to break it or break free of this role the more it simply digs in.
As an example, if the role you created as a child, was a defense to abandonment that you may have experience when young, then through the law of attraction this is what you will attract, not the dream of prosperity or happiness that you might focus on in your conscious mind for 20 or 40 minutes every day but the movie that has been running every moment of every day, all of your entire life.
And it is the same for all of the schemas or roles that we develop.
So this movie including plot and your starring role in it, occurs in your sub-conscious and the very term sub-conscious we mean that it is below the level of our awareness-
So, the new question that you must now ask is HOW DO YOU CHANGE YOUR MOVIE-
How do we change our underlying schema?
Well the great news is that you can CHANGE THE MOVIE!
To discover the secret of how to change the role that you play in your life simply download your Free copy of ‘Bridging the Void’